Control
by kammy147
Summary: Stan is so confident, he knows he is in control. Or is he? Style. Smut already in the first chapter.  First time writing detailed lemon, please review. Rated M for everything. you know what I mean, sex, drug and all those dirty stuff... yum XD
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.**

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**Control**

"You OK?" I asked casually as I opened my locker to put my things up, and the picture of me and Kyle from sixth grade entered my sight. I still remember how he was embarrassed when I put one arm over his shoulder and pressed our cheeks together, because it was the first time I realized what my dad meant at that meteor party – that if Kyle and I keep being so close, people are going to start thinking that we are 'funny'. Below that photo are more photos of our friends took during past school trips, but me and Kyle were always standing together, group pictures or not, we always stick together. As I closed my locker again, Kyle sighed deeply and answered my question,

"No..." he pouted and those green eyes tell me he was stressed and worried.

"What's wrong?" I put my arm around his shoulder, the other holding on to my binder of stuff. He immediately blushed at my touch, just like how he did in that picture. I like that, I always do. It's some kind of sick obsession of mine. I grinned at myself inwardly, but still put on that concerned expression that he so loves to see but refuses to admit. I decided to tease him further by tugging him closer and lowering my head to look him straight in the eyes. He avoided my gaze, a normal reaction, but it's one of the best things I love to see my best friend do. It shows how much influence I have over him – I love how I can always affect his emotions; he loves it when I give him attention, undivided attention – it drives him crazy. I wonder how he feels right now. Embarrassed? Confused? Aroused? Or ashamed that he might be gay for his best friend? I don't know, but I sure would love to know. But if anyone is watching right now, they would have thought that their jocky quarterback is kissing this lucky girl by the lockers, but as they continue to pass by, they would be disappointed to see it was actually his best friend and they are only doing this usual gay gesture that they always do, well, no harm in that, then they will make this mantle note to themselves to remember to gossip about it later.

"Stan, stop doing that, people are watching." he said under his breath, looking to the side to smile at a girl passing by, to assure her that there's nothing gay going on just because Stan and Kyle's faces are too close. Then he stepped back, increasing the space between us again and my arm slipped from his shoulder.

"So? I'm just worried about you." I said innocently. Yes, innocence is what deceives you.

"I, I don't know Stan… It's just Bebe, she wants to talk to me after school, and I think she wants to bre-" he paused to swallow then finished, "break up with me."

"Well then break up with her. She's just a slut anyway." I said a bit too nonchalantly. To be honest, I don't like Bebe and what she does to Kyle. I hate the way she has control over his emotions, I should be the only one who is allowed to do that because even if I do play with his emotions, I won't try to hurt him. Kyle is mine. He's my best friend, and I know we are actually more than that, but it's Bebe, the fucking slut who can't keep her hands off him, she's always in my way.

"Stan! She's not a slut!" Kyle yelled. He never believed in any rumors about Bebe, it's because she always have this sick, twisted way of playing with his feelings and gaining his trust while she turns her back on him and sleeps with two guy at a time.

"Whatever," I gave up trying to convince him a long time ago. I'm his best friend, if he chose not to listen to me, he's not going to listen to anyone else.

"Goddamit Stan! Bebe is not a slut! Stop insulting my girlfriend." Wow, he's really angry. What about when you insulted my girlfriend back then, Kyle?

"Kyle has some sand in his virgina." Cartman passed by and commented casually.

"Ugh!" Kyle grunted in frustration and didn't even bother to say 'shut up fatass', I guess things between him and that slut is really not going that well… However, I am not going to do anything about it. Sometimes you just have to let them get hurt so they'll learn their lesson, so does Kenny say. I am not that sadistic as to come up with that on my own.

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After I finished football practice, I went home to take a shower. I don't like taking showers in the locker rooms because, just because, showers in the locker room after school is just plain unpleasant. I learned my lesson in my freshman year.

And guess what I found when I stepped into my bedroom.

If you guessed an adorable red-haired Jew boy lying on my bed crying, then you are right.

I don't know if this is a male mechanism thing or what, but every guy would at least fantasize once about walking into a room after a good day of work and finding the one person you really want to fuck lying on a bed waiting for you. I mean, it's in every single fairy tale – the knight or prince kills the dragon, finally gets up to the tallest tower and boom, hot princess has been warming her bed for you. Now, as I look at Kyle, I think my fantasy came true, and mind you, I don't give a fuck if it's gay or not. I quit debating over that with myself a long time ago – the only thing that matters is that your dick responds to it.

"She broke up with me." He said frankly to the ceiling, as if trying to convince himself that it is the truth.

Somehow this reminds me of that time when Kyle came over to my house begging me to fertilize his stupid Farmville crops – crying, very needy of his best friend to make him feel all better.

"I'm sorry Kyle." That your girlfriend was a slut and even though I warned you like a trillion times, you didn't believe me. Well, I needed to take the supportive and comforting approach now, so I refrained myself from saying the second part of my thought. I began to walk toward him slowly and sat down on my own bed. Then I gave him a hand to pull him up.

"I really thought that we shared something special, you know…" he said with a hurtful, broken tone. Aw, so heart breaking. Not really, I actually enjoy seeing him cry, after all, you don't see that very often. It turns me on. A sad, broken Kyle, so in need of his Stanley to make everything all right for him. And I quote that last part from the "Hero Project" we did in eighth grade. Yep, he chose me out of all people to write about, even over Einstein.

"Don't think about it so much, you'll forget it sooner or later." I said and I knew that out of experience. I reached out for the back of his neck and pull him close to place his head on my shoulder. His choking breath felt so good on my bare skin, and his hair was tickling my neck.

"I can't! She said horrible things! She said she only went out with me so that she could copy my homework and that she never even liked me! And she even told me all those rumors about her are true! Why did she do that do me, Stan?" See Kyle, that's what happens when you don't listen to Stan; Stan, who has broken up with Wendy so many times; Stan, who finally decided that girls are no good for you. Part of me was mad at Bebe for doing this to Kyle, the other part of me wanted to thank her for creating this Kyle for me to munch on.

I am not going to say stupid shit like "It's going to be better" or "Don't think about it". Because after that brutal of a break up, it's not going to be any better for him and he won't stop thinking about it. I began to feel really bad, maybe it was my fault. For not stopping it from the beginning, for not being honest with him about how I feel. I cupped his oval face with my palms, his tears had left a trail on his cheeks. I looked straight into his watery green eyes and said,

"Do you trust me to make you feel all better?"

He nodded with a helpless whimper, and next thing you know, he had his back on my bed again and my face all over his face. The split second he tried to open his mouth to protest, I dove into that hot, wet goodness and sucked on his soft tongue that was trying to wriggle out of my reach. My saliva was dripping into his mouth and I could taste him in my mouth. I had an urge to make him submit to me and stop the struggling, so I took hold of his wrists and pinned him on the bed with my lower body, straddling his torso. I finally pulled away when I decided that he needed to breathe and moved on to kissing his neck and down his collar bone. I watched with half lidded eyes as his pale skin turned pink after I nibbled on it, kissed it and licked it. I listened as he tried to catch up with his breath and tried to protest at the same time.

"Ngh- Stan, no! Please, Sta-an…"

"I thought you trust me to make you feel better." I whispered into his ear, my lips barely touching his skin.

"But we can't, we're- we are best friends…" he whined helplessly.

"And who said best friends can't make out?" I whispered again with my seductive voice.

"But-" I sealed those tender lips with my own and it was obvious that he loved what I was doing to him. He eventually ceased his physical protest but still continued his fake, verbal protest.

"Ahh… no- Stan, please, don't-" he gasped over and over again.

I released his wrists and pulled his shirt over his head. Sweet Jesus, I never expected to see those sexy curves, it's like he has the devil's body. He's skinny, but this, is jackpot my man. As my mind wandered off to how flexible Kyle is capable of and my eyes continued to stare in awe at that attractive body, he turned red and crossed his arms to cover his bare chest.

"Stop looking at me like that." He muttered shyly, looking away. Yeah, like I didn't know he's the one always desperately trying not to look at my abs when I am shirtless.

If he insists on not having me to look at his bare chest, I guess I could look at something else.

I honestly don't understand why he still hasn't put on those damn sexy skinny jeans that'll show off his ass so nicely, instead, he's always wearing these typical guy's jeans that show nothing, and only stubbornly and silently protest that Kyle is not gay for his best friend. But thank God, it's because they were not skinny jeans, I could just yank them off. Then I messaged his stomach by slowly circling my palm on it, at the same time taking his cock out from his boxers and gently pressed it on his stomach.

"It hurts…" He protested softly, gritting his teeth, head turned side way and only opening one eye, the other shut tight due to the pain. Man, he looked so sexy. A smirk found its way to my face and I continued with what I was doing. He was hard, but not hard enough. I slowly stroked the underside of his cock as it laid flat on his stomach. He moaned in pleasure with each stroke and his head tilted back as that sensation rushed up and down his spine. After a few more agonizing strokes, I leaned down and licked that sensitive underside from base to tip.

"AAAHHHHHHHHH!" Kyle screamed as he came all over his own stomach.

If my mom wasn't at the grocery store, she would come up and look.

"Stan…" Kyle said weakly, I knew this was his first time. But what I didn't know was that Kyle would cry after his first orgasm.

"Aw, don't cry…" I coaxed into his ear and kissed away his tears, stroking his soft curls gently.

"Am I just your toy?" he asked, sounding rather hurt.

"Yes, but I take good care of my toys, and I only pick one and stay with it." I explained gently, cupping his face; he's already hurt today, I'm not going to hurt him again just for my own amusement. "I love you Kyle." A little sweet talk here would do the trick to assure him.

"Do you feel better now?" I asked.

"No, not really…"

"Why not?"

"I don't really know how to feel…" he looked away, staring into the empty space.

"I love you, Kyle."

"I don't know…" he closed his eyes, he must be feeling really tired. But I was disappointed that he didn't tell me he loves me also.

I kissed his forehead and he fell asleep soundly. I got off of him, cleaned off the mess on his stomach and put him into bed. Then I went to the bathroom to take care of my own needs.

Now, I need to think about what I need to say in that awkward conversation you must have after you make out with your best friend.

I am confident I can win him over this time, after all, I can see through him. I know he has feelings for me, he just needed the right time to tell me and this is going to be a perfect opportunity.

I shoved all these idea aside and thought of Kyle's expressions and the way he moaned for me a few moments ago as I jerked myself off. Usually it takes me a good fifteen to twenty minutes to finish off, but today I seemed to have came a little too quick than I wanted.

After I took another shower, I slipped into my room quietly, and moments later, Kyle's cell phone started vibrating. I looked at the screen, and anger immediately rushed into my mind. It was Bebe.

I took his phone out of my room and answered it.

"What do you want, slut."

"Who are you?"

"Stan." I said, somewhat with subtle hint of anger in my voice.

"Let me talk to Kyle please." She said, apparently annoyed.

"He's asleep." I said flatly.

"Well, can you tell him to call me back, I just want to apologize to him…"

"Hell no bitch, you just broke up with him like, what, three hours ago? And now you want him back?" I had to keep my voice low, because I didn't want to wake Kyle up.

"You don't understand!"

"I don't understand? You shut the fuck up and shove it up your ass! Oh, I forgot, you'd probably like it." Then I hung up.

Seriously.

I sat down on the couch, with Kyle's phone still in my hand. I turned on the TV and stare at it mindlessly, having no better things to do than to wait for my mom to come back.

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**No reviews, or not enough reviews, NO UPDATE.**

**and I'm very serious about that. Because I am getting tired, and I need encouragement. I don't see a point in continuing if no one is reading it or taking a effort to leave a review.**

**I just needed to make this clear in the first chapter. :)**

**I don't care how many favorite this gets, I want reviews. Because I care a lot about what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park**

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I love you guys and I will try my best to write this story now that I know someone is reading it. **

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**Control**

How I found out that I was gay for my best friend wasn't easy. I thought that would never happen to me. But this is life, shit happens. There's no way you can avoid it.

I gave myself the excuse that Kyle has that feminine vibe about him, maybe I don't really like him, maybe it's just friendship. I know we are closer than most people who call themselves best friends, so I thought, maybe that was it, I wasn't really gay for him.

But then every time when I touch myself, I think of him. How much I wanted to touch him, claim him as my own then pin him down on my bed and make him scream out my name as loud as possible.

This thought didn't go away, I realized the only thing I could do to make it stop is to withdraw. But I can never do that, that would have killed me, because I can't stand one day without seeing Kyle. And when that time we found out he had diabetes, I was planning to kill myself if he died.

We were thirteen back then, and we were bored during a summer day, sitting on the couch doing nothing.

He was laying on the couch, his head resting on my thigh. It was nothing, we always do that, but now it seemed all different. It gave me that feeling down my groin, and made me wanted to flip him over and just fuck him right there on that couch.

I was playing with the flap of his hat, it was soft. But what I really wanted to mess with was his hair, they are so pretty, I never understand why he wouldn't take his hat off. His hair is so red, it can't even be called deep orange like most other people who have red hair, it's just red.

So I snatched his hat away, and he immediately sat up, leaving me quite disappointed.

"Dude! That's not cool, give me back my hat!" He said angrily, one hand covering his head, the other stretched out in front of me.

"What? Your hair looks fine."

"I don't like it."

"But I like it like that."

"Give it back." He insisted childishly.

I stood up and held his hat high up my head, taunting him to get his hat back. I was a few inches taller, so he couldn't reach it, no matter how much he tried, he just couldn't. I loved to see that determination on his face though.

"Stan! C'mon!" He groaned as he tried to stretch his arm longer. His body pressed against mine and his hand on my shoulder. I almost let a moan slip out of my lips because of the friction he was creating.

"No." I smiled cruelly.

But then I gave in after a few moments. After all, I can't deny him anything, plus, I really would get a boner if he kept that up.

"I'll give it back if you let me touch your hair."

"Whatever, I just want my hat back."

We sat back down and he nervously sat next to me. I ran my hand through those soft curls and it made my heart flutter, because I was touching Kyle. It felt so good, I felt like some part of me was completed, but then I wanted more, much more. But dammit, I knew I couldn't. Not yet.

"Are you done?"

"No."

"It's getting weird."

"Fuck you."

He blushed and didn't say a word.

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"Stan?" Kyle woke up sleepily at nine, I was still working on my homework.

"Why am I naked?" he asked trying to hide the fact that he was shocked and embarrassed.

"I don't know, don't _you_ remember?" I asked sarcastically.

He kept silent as he tried to remember what had happened a few hours ago. What would he do? I finally looked at him out of curiosity.

His expression was empty, as if he was still trying to figure out how he should react. I stood up from my desk and walked toward him. I looked down at him and said,

"Do you want to go home or do you want to stay over for the night? I already called your mom to tell her you are here." I asked flatly.

"I don't know." Well, I guess I will make the decision.

"You should stay here."

"No." Oh?

"Why not?"

"I need to go somewhere…"

"Where? It's nine already." I am not letting him leave, because if we don't talk about this now, he would never want to talk about it anymore.

"I don't know."

"Stop saying I don't know, you've got to know." It's so like Kyle, he's always so indecisive. It's like we switched role as we grew older. I used to be the indecisive one, but now he became the one who always act like a pussy.

"Well, how am I supposed to know? My best friend just gave me a blow job!" he almost screamed. So like Kyle again, always stating the facts… How can my best friend be this adorable? This makes me want to fuck him all over again.

"Did you like it?" Yep, it's time to ask for the truth.

"Yeah… but, no! We can't do that! We are not supposed to! It's all messed up! You know we were not supposed to!"

"Did it feel right?"

"Yes…"

"Well then there's your answer. No one said we were not supposed to and we both enjoyed it, we can do whatever we want."

"No, Stan, you are a Catholic, you know what it means, we can't…"

"Who cares? It has nothing to do with religion, you are just making up excuses." It's obvious he doesn't want to leave, he's just saying it.

"I don't know Stan, I am so confused, I just broke up with Bebe and now you are telling me you like me and-"

"I love you Kyle, just tell me you love me back. I know you do." I sat down on my bed again, hugging him.

I needed to tell him how much I need him, so damn much that it hurts right now. I always hide my feelings, but I couldn't anymore.

"Stan, I love you. I have a crush on you ever since we were twelve. You don't understand! You are always making me feel so inadequate; first, you are stronger than me, I admire you, and then you always have a whole bunch of girls at you beck and call and you always make me feel like you do like their company… I try not to think about you so much, it's so damn hard! You are always making everything so difficult for me!" Tears rolled down his cheeks as he explained, I never thought of it that way.

"But- you know I was just trying to make you feel jealous."

"Do you know how many times I cry when I was alone in my room? Sometimes I just can't go to sleep because of you! And finally when Bebe asked me out, I was happy, I thought maybe I can forget about you finally. I really tried, Stan! I did! And now she's doing this to me, then you come up again, and did- did all that with me… I-"

I kissed him again, he was almost hysterical, and I couldn't stand it any longer than he could. What he just said made my heart ached… I felt so bad for playing with his feelings in the past few years, maybe I really shouldn't have.

"But you know I love you now, can't we just be together and forget about everything in the past?"

"Stan, what happened, happened; we can't try to forget it. And I am not ready, I don't want to be gay… I need some time." Hearing him say that was like having a knife stabbing my heart, karma was getting back at me.

"But-" I ran out of word.

In the next ten minutes while my mind went blank, Kyle put his clothes back on and slipped out of my room, pausing to say goodbye before he closed the door and left.

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How and exactly where did I mess up? I kept asking myself as I drove to school. Kyle texted me not to pick him up because he was going to ride the bus. And I knew he was officially avoiding me, because he didn't even bother to call.

I wanted to beat myself up so bad. How the fuck did you mess up Stanley Marsh?

I was so confident, I was so certain.

When I got out of bed this morning, I didn't even want to go to school. I wanted to see him, but I didn't sleep at all last night. And I was exhausted.

Maybe he was scared to tell his parents?

That could be it. His dad might be OK, but his mom… his mom would kill him for being gay.

I didn't really think of that, because we can always choose not to tell. For me, it didn't really matter, because I knew my mom would be OK, and my dad, meh, he'll get over it after a few bottles of beer.

And when Kyle and I moved to Denver for college, we can basically do whatever we want.

When I finally arrived at school and was parking my car, Kenny was coming out of his truck, which was next to mine.

"What's up dude."

"Hey Kenny."

"Where's Kyle?" That almost stung.

"Ugh, he said he wants to ride the bus."

"Why? Something happened?"

"Well, yeah." I touched the back of my neck, and Kenny could immediately read my body language.

"You finally told him, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"And he rejected you?"

"Sort of."

"Oh. What did he say?"

"He's not ready. I think he is scared of what his mom would say."

"Well, that's too bad."

"Yeah." Say something else retard.

"Well, maybe you could, you know, do that, and make him come back and beg for it."

"I already did."

"Well then no worries dude, he _will_ come back and beg for it. I guarantee."

"Dude, you make it sound so dirty, it's Kyle we are talking about."

"I know."

"Well, how do you know he will come back and beg for it?"

" 'Cause sex is like weed, you keep coming back to ask for more." That was one of the funniest or weirdest comparison I've ever heard. I've never smoked weed before, but I guess that makes sense.

"You are not high, are you?"

"Nah man, you don't' go to school when you are high, that's a waste of weed. And I don't smoke weed Stan, I only sell them."

And we didn't say anymore as we walked into the school through the front door.

I was waiting for Kyle after I parted with Kenny in the crowd. I stood in front of my locker and a few girls tried to flirt with me, I showed no interest and they walked away. Kyle didn't show up and I wondered where could he be. But then the bell rang and I had to walk to class alone without him.

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As egotistic as I sound, I was popular.

Like all the other jocks you see in those cliché high school movies, I'm exactly like that.

Well, except I don't pick on nerds.

Because Kyle's a nerd, and really, they are just people and they help you out with your homework.

Heidi, the girl from elementary, she's like the cheerleader chick that I should be dating. And everyone thought that I broke up with Wendy because I was going to honor the tradition of quarterbacks dating the cheerleaders. But I disappointed everyone by remaining single. Ever since then, girls constantly asked me out and put love letters in my locker. I used to read those letters aloud to Kyle and pretend I liked it to make him jealous. Now as I recalled that, it just made me feel worse. How could I be such a fucking dick?

But then this idea crossed my mind. If Kyle is avoiding me, I can write him a letter and put it in his locker, right?

As gay as it sounds, I think it could work.

"Stan," My Physics teacher called out, breaking my trail of thoughts.

"Come up here and show us how to do question number four." I hate my physics teacher. Like he thinks I am a football player and I am dumb and because I was day dreaming and so I must not know the answer to the question. In fact, I was so mad at myself yesterday after Kyle left, I did the entire work sheet by myself without Kyle's help!

Kyle… why do everything I do have to do with Kyle?

"Yes sir," I faked my politeness as best as I could, because I didn't want to ruin my good reputation among the teachers, otherwise, I'll have problems getting recommendation letters.

As I was transferring my work from my homework to the board, my mind kept wandering to what I should write in the letter.

It fucking sucks I don't have lunch at the same time as Kyle do because I am in football.

And I only have one class with him, and it was English, which was the last period of the day.

"Good job." My teacher said and motioned for me to sit back down. I had an urge to say 'in your face', but I only muttered that silently to myself as I turned around.

From behind me, Craig Tucker passed me a note. Yeah, you might thought people don't pass notes around these days, because kids can use texting now. But I usually turn my phone off during school, because people would always literally bomb my phone with texts, and even if I turned it to silent, it would vibrate in my pocket and I would end up having a boner by the end of each class. So I just turn my phone off. Seriously, I don't even give my number out to people whom I am not really friends with, but then they'll _magically_ have my number.

As I opened the note to read, I thought of the scenario back in elementary when Bebe passed a note to Kyle and I got it, and when I was going to pass it to Kyle, Garrison caught me and made me read it out loud to Kyle. And that's when the rumor between us started.

God Damn It! Can't I stop thinking of him for just one second please? God, you can't be that cruel.

The note was from Heidi.

Oh.

"Stan,

I am having a sweet sixteen party this Saturday, and I hope you can come. It would be great! I am having it at Token house. You can bring Kyle with you if you want ; )

Heidi."

Token's house.

When any of us think of Token's house, we can only think of drug, sex, and lots and lots of crazy partying.

I heard Heidi just recently started dating Token, if she could get him to let her party at his house, she must be smarter than an average cheerleader.

Seems like opportunity is presenting itself.

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**OK, so how was it? I tried my best to make Kyle sound more manly, but it's difficult for me because I love cute and cuddly Kyle… **

**So now Stan's hubris was his downfall, he needed to make up for it.**

**Stan: You are a such a fucking dick, Kyle would have said yes.**

**Me: You confused him, it's not my fault. **

**Stan: Yeah it was. **

**Kenny: Hey Stan, you can drug Kyle at Token's party and do him over and over again. I've got some good ones to recommend.**

**Me: Oh, I like this one, it's all pink, what is that called? I might use that on Kyle.**

**Stan: No bitch, you are not going to make me drug him.**

**Me: Chill dude, I didn't say anything about you drugging him, someone might be more eager than you are.**

**Stan: Why, you little…**

**Me: Ah! Kenny protect me by getting killed first!**

**Yep, please continue to review=] You know what happens if you don't *evil grin*  
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**Love y'all!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys! I know asking for reviews is not nice, but it inspires me to keep writing. It's a two sided thing, you give me reviews, I have more fun writing. So I am grateful that you guys are reviewing=] **

**Yesterday Fanfic was being weird, so I don't know if some of you guys saw the second chapter yet.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park**

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**Control**

As if my day was not bad enough, Kyle didn't come to English class today and my only chance of seeing him was ruined.

When I asked my teacher why wasn't Kyle here today, she replied wittily,

"I was going to ask you about that Stanley."

"No Ms. Fonard, I don't know where he is." I answered, looking down at the floor.

"Well, the attendance office sent me an e-mail saying that Kyle has returned home because his blood sugar was low." She explained patiently, even though I was practically taking up her class time, but really, she's just giving us a free day to work on the book we are reading.

"Oh." Low blood sugar? Could he be-

"Are you OK Stanley?"

"Er- Yes ma'am."

"Has something happened between you and Kyle?" She asked curiously. Ever since Clyde played a prank on us and told her that we are secretly gay for each other, she's been nosing around to try to find out whether it's true or not. But I know she meant it in a good way though, because I could see her expression softened.

"No ma'ma." I replied mechanically.

"It's OK Stan, if you need to talk to anyone, you can talk to me. I think by now you know I care about my students a lot." Yes you sure do. Ms. Fonard is not one of those creepy old English teachers who doesn't have a husband and live alone. She's cool, most people liked her, but sometimes she is just too nosy in rumors and drama around the school.

I only nodded and returned to my seat, I don't really know anyone in that class except Butters, but he was talking excitedly to one of the other kids who I can't even name.

Could Kyle be not taking his insulin on purpose to make his blood sugar low so he could go home early? That's too dangerous; he never does that, because his mom always gets on him when he forgets his insulin…

I turned my gaze to Ms. Fonard, and she smiled at me warmly again.

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Godammit, didn't I just told myself again that she's too nosy? But here I was, skipping football practice, laying back in her comfortable leather chair like a psychotic patient, telling her what had happened, from beginning to end.

"Kyle and I are best friends since kindergarten, and we went through so much together… I just knew we were meant to be, I mean, like that time I was stuck at Imaginationland, he was the only one who could hear me from the real world. " I probably sounded like crazy, but whatever, I am just trying to get my point across.

"And what happened?" She stared at me intently from the student desk she was sitting in, her fingers from both hands intertwined, arms placed across the desk.

"Well, he broke up with Bebe yesterday, and he came to me… and I thought, this may be the time to tell him how I feel, and so I did."

"How did he react?" OK, I am going to leave out the make out part.

"He said he doesn't know. I think he's scared that if his mom finds out, she'll freak out." Freak out was too inadequate a description of what his mom would do.

"How do you know that's the problem?"

"Well, I- I mean, his mom is always-"

"Stanley, you can't just assume things, you need to talk to him, assuming things only make matters more complicated."

"Well… I knew everything was under control, everything was under my control." I sighed, maybe she had a point.

"I know you know Kyle very well, but you really don't know what he thinks until you talk to him about it. You can think you are in control, but no one is really in control of anyone's feeling. The only thing you are doing, is doing things that _affect _their feelings, you are not exactly in control. And playing with other people's feelings is not the nicest thing to do to anyone in the world, especially to the ones you love."

I nodded.

"Plus, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but telling someone you have feelings for them right after they broke up with someone else might not be such a good idea."

And now I just sat there, feeling like a complete retard after hearing her analysis. I could have completely ruined my one and only chance to be with Kyle. Me and my stupid pride…

"You don't have to look so sad, it's not completely hopeless yet. You can do something romantic for him and go slower this time, he might take you back." She winked.

"I was going to write him a letter."

"That's a good idea." She encouraged.

Suddenly the announcement came on and my couch's voice came through.

"Stanley Marsh, you come to practice this instant. I repeat, Stanley Marsh, you get your ass over here, RIGHT NOW!" Goddammit, why does my coach always have to make a big deal out of everything?

"Well Stanley, I guess you better get going."

"Yeah." I sprang up and gathered up my backpack.

"Thanks Ms. Fonard."

She nodded and I turned around and ran to the football field.

* * *

"Marsh! Where the hell have you been?" Coach Parry yelled in my face, like right in my face. He has a habit of yelling at people's face. And here's one more thing you should probably know about him, he makes no exception, whether you are the best player on the team or not, you break his rules, you run laps. That's why I was planning on skipping football practice entirely and going to Kyle's house, but I guessed I chickened out in the end. Because the later you show up, the harsher the punishment.

And since I was one hour, three minutes and forty-six seconds late, or so I was told, he made me run ten laps and lift weights for fifteen minutes.

Since I already finished running laps, I was in the process of lifting weight and getting yelled at by Parry. In my face.

"You disappoint me Stan, I was going to make you captain when you become a senior next year." He said "encouragingly" as he put fifty more kilograms on each side, making the whole thing weighting one hundred kilograms. Damn right he's not going to make me captain. I don't really care, but I doubt he'll pick someone else.

"Sorry sir!" I said through gritted teeth as I struggle to pushed the barbell up again. He also requires us to call him sir and answer with "yes sir" or "no sir", like we are freaking cops or something.

As strong as I am, it's takes the energy out of you when you are punished by Coach Parry, plus the lack of sleep from last night, I really thought I was going to pass out. I literally would prefer to be in Hell right now.

As I kept going and Parry kept babbling, my mind wandered off to Kyle again. I couldn't help but wonder what Parry would say if he finds out his best player is gay.

"No, happy thought…" I hissed as I pushed it up for one last time before Parry stopped the timer and told me time was up and I can go.

"Don't be late next time. The team and I depend on you, son." Yeah, so much after screaming at my face an hour ago.

"Now, hit the shower."

"No, I rather not." I mumbled as I stepped out of the gym.

I gathered up my stuff from my locker and got out of there as soon as possible, passing by two of my teammates who were messing around with each other (yes, in the bad way). So I kinda played a prank on them and said,

"Coach is coming in."

Then they nervously looked around and yelled at me from behind as I opened the double door to leave,

"Dude, that's not funny."

Yeah, it sure isn't. If the coach finds out anyone is gay on the team, I can't imagine what would happen. Recommendations for scholarships are definitely out of the way. He probably won't kick you off the team, but would still let you play some lame positions, like a linebacker or something, somewhere you can't show off your skills, so no college would even consider you because of that one thing you are really good at.

Meh, but who cares? They were the ones stupid enough to make out in the locker room, not me.

There weren't many cars left in the parking lot when I got out, and it was starting to get dark outside. I hopped into my car and I just sat there for like ten minutes, feeling completely worn out. Like seriously, I am not even kidding, I felt like I should just take a nap there. So I closed my eyes, pushing all fatigue aside.

"Kyle…" I found myself moaning out my best friend's name in pain. Not physical pain, but pain you can actually feel inside, like someone has just ripped my inside apart. My throat contracted, and I felt like crying.

All I could see when I closed my eyes was Kyle. Crying, blaming me for the pain I had caused him, and now he's making me feel the same pain he felt.

I wanted to see him this instant, right now, I wanted to see him so bad. I wanted to know if he's OK after he purposefully not takes his insulin just to avoid me. It's all my fault.

Kyle has always been such a good friend, he's always so considerate… And I… I am always so selfish, hurting him just to satisfy my own selfish needs…

I felt like a complete dick right now…

I wanted to see him, but at the same time I don't know if I could face him.

The guilt.

It's killing me.

* * *

"Hi Stan, have you come to see Kyle?" Mrs. Broflovski greeted me as I stepped in, still holding my sports bag.

"Yeah, I came right after practice." I know she must think I was all sweaty and dirty, so I kinda explained.

"Kyle is upstairs, I think he's reading. He's fine right now, you can go use the shower upstairs if you want to." She's always so nice to me for some reason. I think she trusts me.

"Thank you, I'll go upstairs now."

"You want some cookies and milk?"

"No thanks, we are not kids anymore." I laughed nervously.

She smiled back. Of course I know she still thinks that we are kids no matter how old we are.

After I climbed up the stairs, I stood in front of Kyle's room nervously, not knowing whether I should knock or not. What if he doesn't want to see me and tells me to leave?

"Ah… Stan…"

I heard Kyle moaning.

My name, he was moaning my name.

For unknown reasons, I was starting to panic. Shouldn't I be happy? But no, I was panicking.

There's only two options: run, or knock and get in there.

"Ah…" He moaned again, making me feel really hot.

I couldn't do it, I chickened out, _again_.

I went downstairs quickly, and Mrs. Broflovski asked me where I was going.

"I am going home, Kyle's asleep, he didn't answer the door, I don't want to disturb him." I explained quickly, hoping to get away from here as soon as I could.

Goddamit! Why am I such a God damn pussy?

* * *

When I got home, I literally flew up stairs and only greeted my mom with a rushed "Hey mom."

She doesn't like it, but who cares, I needed a cold shower, right now.

I stripped off all of my clothes and jumped into the freezing cold shower, I couldn't care less if I catch a cold or something. I just needed to calm down.

I almost gasped in surprise as I see my dick standing erect even under the cold water. I could feel that boiling sensation down my groin. It was like getting my first boner all over again, it's like I didn't know what to do with it.

I sat down slowly, and started to jerk myself off again. I wanted to think of Kyle, but then something in the back of my head told me I shouldn't… I kept stroking my cock, but it wasn't helping. I was sure I was at least fifteen minutes into it, but it still showed no effect… and it's starting to hurt, because I was being rougher than usual. What the hell is wrong with me?

My arms felt really tired, due to the weight lifting from hours ago… but I need to keep pumping….

"Thank God…" I let out a sigh of relief as I saw precum coming out of the slit. I was close now, I just needed to keep pumping.

I shut my eyes tight as I felt that I was getting closer and closer, but then the image of Kyle touching himself in his room, moaning out my name in pleasure crossed my mind, and I had to bit my lip hard to refrain myself from screaming out as I came all over the tub.

For a few minutes, I just sat there on the clean white tub, letting the water to wash away my fatigue and the mess I had made.

That night, I couldn't even think anymore, I just laid in my bed and fell asleep, every single muscle on my body was aching… But the worse feeling was how I felt so empty inside, yet I was so tired I couldn't even do anything, I could only let it cut deeper and deeper… until I bleed.

* * *

**Tell me what you think of the two OC, the teacher and the coach… I am just curious.**

**I am so mean to Stan… Poor Stan.**

**Stan: Dude! What the fuck? I'd have just barge in there and rape him!**

**Kyle: Stan!**

**Stan: What? You were the one masturbating off me!**

**Kyle: I-**

**Me: OK boys, just calm down…**

**Reviews, reviews, review :) ****You know the rules and so do I.**  
**A full commitment's what I'm thinking of,**  
** You wouldnt get this from any other guy. **

**I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling,**  
** Gotta make you understand…**

**Never gonna give you up,  
Never gonna let you down,  
Never gonna run around and desert you.**

**Yes, I just Rick Roll'd you. With words.  
**

**Keep it coming! It makes me happy and want to update faster=]**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys! Keeps me going=]**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.**

**Warning: Actual lemon in this chapter, might be horrible, you might need eye drops after reading, so please have it ready at your side. Read at your own risk.  
**

**

* * *

**

**Control**

Yesterday was the worse day ever.

I woke up this morning, hearing birds singing outside my window and my mom shouting to let me know breakfast was ready. Everything seemed so normal, but I knew it's not.

I looked at the pink and girly invitation card that I picked up from Heidi yesterday. I was not sure if I still wanted to go to that party, I felt really tired. But then I remember about my plan of taking Kyle there and talk to him about it after taking a few gulps of booze. I learned that from my dad, "You are superman when you are drunk, son." That was my dad telling me what getting drunk feels like. And I still remember how he bravely got himself fired after celebrating Obama winning the 2008 election with two packs.

But somehow Ms. Fonard's voice popped up again, telling me that isn't a good plan.

But I ignored it and listened to the devil.

* * *

I quit the moping around from yesterday and went over to Kyle's house. I mean, Goddamit, ain't I supposed to be the over-confident jock? Why would I even chicken out on asking my best friend out?

"Good morning Mrs. Broflovski." I greeted her cheerfully.

"Hey good morning Stan, good to see you back, you looked so sick yesterday. I told Kyle and he was worried." I could feel myself almost jumped to the roof in sheer joy over hearing that Kyle was worried about me. But then I realized the possibility of her only talking nice.

I walked into the house and I saw Kyle pouring some chocolate milk into a glass behind the kitchen counter.

"Hey Stan." He smiled weakly, there were dark shades under his pretty green eyes. My confident was almost overturned by the guilt.

"Are you OK? You look tired."

"Yeah, I just need some sleep."

"Um… can we talk? Upstairs?"

"Sure." He was acting weird, he's acting as if nothing was wrong and we were just the pair of best friends we used to be. As if we never crossed the best friend line; and I wasn't happy about that, I wanted to talk about it but didn't know how…

I followed him upstairs and I closed the door behind me as he sat down on his bed.

"So um…" I rubbed the back of my head again out of nervousness. Goddamit, stop being such a God damn pussy!

"I wanted to ask you that, did you not take your insulin purposefully just so you could skip English?"

"Why would I do that? I like Ms. Fonard."

"Be-because, because you were trying to avoid me?" I said testily, the final blow, it could be any moment now.

"No Stan… I actually forgot to go down to the nurse to take my insulin…I guess I was too preoccupied."

Oh.

And you think you are so God damn important huh? Stan? You self-centered piece of shit. Wait, but what about in the morning when he told me not to pick him up? He's lying.

"And Bebe tried to talk to me again, she said she's sorry… but I guess we are just over." He glanced to his left, as if he was thinking of the past.

"Well that's good, you know she's no good for you." I stated as a matter-of-factly and he showed no objection.

He then did something really cute that made me want to hug him and give him a kiss on his cheek.

"Is there anything else you want to talk about?" He took a sip of his chocolate milk and spoke into the glass in a muffle.

"Er, well actually, I was wondering if you wanna come to Heidi's party at Token's house tonight." I reached for the invitation card in my pocket and tossed it on his lap.

"Oh, she's turning sixteen."

"Yeah."

"I'll go, but I just need some sleep before we go."

I felt like a rock was lifted from my chest.

"Well, I'll pick you up at seven, that way you can have like five hours to sleep. Is that cool?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." He smiled warmly.

And I almost blurted out "I love you Kyle" but then reconsidered it. I should save it for tonight.

* * *

On our way to Token's party, Kyle and I only had normal conversations about school, people at school and whatnot. I told him about my horrible experience with Parry the other day, but omitted the part about me feeling guilty over him. There were no tension between us, and it felt so normal again; no awkwardness. Just Stan and Kyle, super best friends… but somehow it made me feel empty inside, and I wanted us to be more than just that.

When we arrived at Token's house, the place was already packed. People were dancing, eating, drinking, or doing drug in some obscure corner. The entire first floor was only illuminated by a giant disco ball and an enormous pink neon sign that says "Happy Sweet 16 Heidi!". The flashing laser lights were shooting everywhere.

And really, it was just like every single other party that Token had thrown ever since we entered high school. The guy threw a party for every single damn thing! One time he threw a party for getting his driving permit. And the most ridiculous thing is, this house was built for partying _only_. Token and his parents actually lived a few blocks down from here.

To be honest, I don't even feel like partying. I just want to talk to Kyle, I really needed some alone time with him.

"Oh hey look! It's Stan!" Oh hey look, it's the trampy cheerleader chick. Heidi came over to greet me, arms in arms with her new trophy boyfriend. She was like wearing this silky, supper shiny dress that she thinks can blind you with her sexiness.

"Happy birthday Heidi." I said, pulling out my killer smile. That should take care of the birthday present, since neither me nor Kyle brought anything. But obviously she didn't really care if we brought any present or not, she just wanted me to come because I was the quarterback, so she can brag about it later.

"Yeah, happy birthday Heidi." Kyle added after me.

"Thank you guys! Thanks so much for coming- Oh hey, Craig!" She said in a high-pitched voice, waving to the other raven behind me, who was voted the cutest boy in class three years in a roll. She then walked past us to greet him.

"So what do we do now?" Kyle asked once we walked into the parlor where food and drinks were served.  
"I don't know, you want some drinks?"  
"I want to stay sober."  
"C'mon, that's no fun."  
"Someone got to drive home." he shrugged.  
"OK..."  
We made our way back to the dance floor, shoving aside a couple of girls trying to drag me into dancing, I decided I needed to take Kyle's hand so that no one could separate us. His hand was still cold from the chilly air outside, but I was glad that he didn't struggle to get away and just let me hold his hand. When we finally made it to the dance floor, Kenny was standing behind the shiny granite counter. He wasn't wearing his orange parka, but instead dressed in a waiter's attire; with a white shirt, a black velvet bowtie and vest with diamonds enshrined on the buttons. But his hair was as messy as usual. Heidi must have asked the flirtiest guy to be her bartender tonight.  
"Hey dudes, how can I help you?" he asked as we sat down in front of him.  
"Just beer."  
"Diet coke for me." Kyle said lamely.  
"Aw, seriously Kyle?"  
"I gotta drive his drunken ass home tonight." he cocked his head toward me.  
"Oh, I see." Kenny said, then looked at me with a devilish smirk as he removed the cap of my beer.  
I gulped down some of my beer, and suddenly I got an idea.  
"Kyle, do you wanna sleep over at my house tonight?" I asked boldly, I guess the alcohol does help.  
"Yeah that should be fine. I still have some insulin left in your house from last time right?"

I nodded as I took another gulp of my beer. I could see Kenny smirked again out of the corner of my eyes.

"OK then, I just need to call my mom to let her know. I'll go to the restroom, it's too loud here."

"You want me to go with you?" I offered, because I was scared someone was going to take him away, like Bebe or something.

"Sit down Stan, I've got something to talk to you about. Kyle's not three years old, he can go to the restroom by himself."

"But-" Kenny grabbed my arm and motioned Kyle to go.

"Dude! What was that about?"

"Chill out man, I've got something nice for you." He said, then disappeared behind the counter as he bent down to search for that certain 'something nice'. I looked around, trying to search for Kyle, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Here." Kenny tapped my shoulder. I turned around and saw a pink pill sitting on the black granite counter. It had "I love you" engraved on it.

"Is this drug?"

"Duh."

"Well, you wanna hook me up?" I was confused.

"No dumbass, this is for Kyle."

"You know he wouldn't-"

"This is ecstasy."

"What?" I had no idea what that is.

"Rape drug."

Oh…

"What? You want to drug him?"

"No, _you_ are going to drug him."

"Why would I do that?" Images of Kyle crying after his first orgasm resurfaced in my mind…

(_No, Stan, no… Please, don't_…)

"I don't know, it's up to you. You know you want him. Stop pussing out Stan; be a goddamn man and step up in your game."

Kenny then turned to my left as a couple ordered some drinks from him, leaving me there with that tiny pink pill. The disco ball's flashing neon lights coloring my face green and red, and I could see my doubtful expression reflected on the counter with each beat.

I knew I shouldn't do it, but it's so tempting… I wanted to see Kyle's face when he screams my name… But then it's like betraying him. I still hadn't got the chance to talk to him about how I feel…

"Hey Stan, I am not going to charge you for it." Kenny winked and returned to mixing the couple's drinks.

Should I do it?

I looked around for any sign for a bobbing red head, but no one I saw had hair as red as the one I was looking for. I quickly dropped the tiny pink pill inside his drink and it fizzled. I stirred it a few times with the straw and the ice made this clinking noise that resonated with the guilt in my chest…

I was so nervous that Kenny had to make me some really strong martini to calm my nerves down. But when I gulped down those three shots of martini, it only left a trail of fire in my throat and more agitation in my mind. Kenny patted me on my back as I almost chocked.

"Dude, chill out! Just play cool, here he comes." Kenny was holding back a laugh at the back of his throat. I knew he must have thought that I looked ridiculous and I know I did, because I could see the reflection of my scarlet cheeks from the mirror behind him.

"Stan! How much did you drink while I was gone?" Kyle asked worriedly.

"Just a little."

I watched as Kyle took a sip of his coke.

"What took you so long?" I tried to keep my speech clear as best as I could manage to.

"I saw Butters, and he was crying," He shot a contentious glare at Kenny, and I knew better than to keep asking and start an argument; I wasn't going to let anything ruin my chance, so I changed the topic.

"What did your mom say?"

"She said it's fine, as long as I stay with you." He blushed at his own unintended hint and drank some more. I wanted to kiss him right now, I couldn't care less if Parry is standing right behind me and the whole school is watching as if we were in the middle of the field during the homecoming game. Oh God… the alcohol is getting in my head…

"It's getting hot in here…" Kyle said and poured the remaining icy coke down his throat.

"Yeah, it sure is." I faked as best as I could, "Let's go upstairs." That didn't even make sense.

"Why?" He asked as he took off his jacket.

" 'Cause there's less people up there." I explained as I dragged him by his wrist and pushed through the crowd again. People were either too high or drunk or too busy making out to notice us.

"Stan, I'm getting dizzy." He said when we were half way through the rich marble staircase. So I picked him up bridal style and kept walking. He let out a yelp of surprise as I brushed his ticklish spot.

"You are my hero, Stan." He said dreamily then kissed me on my cheek. He felt really light in my arms.

"I know." And I kissed him full on his lips. He didn't struggle and only nuzzled closer to my chest as I pulled away.

We reached the second floor and I stumbled through the hall as I struggled to keep my balance with Kyle in my arms. I finally found an empty guest room, so I dropped Kyle gently on the bed, then locked the door behind me quietly. I fumbled with the lamp switch on the bedside table and the warm yellow light flooded the room and illuminated Kyle's beautiful face perfectly. His hat had dropped and his red locks spread out on the feathery pillow like fire.

"Where's my hat?" He asked as he plunged one hand into his soft hair.

I kneeled down beside the bed and intertwined my fingers with his other hand. My face was only inches from his as I hovered over him.

"I need you, Kyle." I whispered gently. "I can't stand not seeing you for just half a day."

"Me too, Stan." He uttered each syllable under his breath, smiling sweetly and innocently at me. "I missed you so much yesterday."

I kissed him again, and I couldn't cherish that low smacking sound more when I slightly sucked on his tender lips… He was so intoxicating, more than the amount of liquor in my system right now… I kept kissing down his neck and he let out a breathy moan as I sucked on the spot where his pulsing artery was located.

"Stan, it's so hot…" It was probably the pill taking its effect. I helped him to undress as he made another futile attempt to pull his shirt off. He stayed half conscious on the bed as I stripped off every single piece of clothing on him and scattered them on the carpeted floor.

"What are you doing?" His voice quavered with horror.

"Helping you." I said as I stripped down myself.

"No! Stan, I am not ready!" He suddenly sat up.

"You'll be." I leaned down to kiss him again, probing my tongue in his jaw-dropped mouth.

"Mmm…" he moaned in surprise. His tongue was still, so I ran mine up and down his, messaging him, hoping to get him to relax.

"I- Stan, No!" He yelped as I pinned him down on the bed again. He's mine now, I wasn't going to let him to run away.

"I heard you," I said quietly and breathed into his ear. "I heard you moaning my name yesterday."

Even though I couldn't see his face, I could sense his irises contract. His entire frame tightened, so I nipped on his ear and ran my hand down his side, and I could feel his hair stood on ends as I did so.

"Were you thinking of how I am going to touch you like this when you were touching yourself?"

He inhaled deeply, then exhaled as he answered "Yes."

I continue to dragged my kisses down his neck to his nipples and messaged it with my tongue. I could feel his growing erection pressing on my stomach as his breathe sped up. I couldn't wait anymore, the noise he was making between each breathe was driving me insane.

"Kyle, I'll make you mine tonight." With that, I gathered all his precum on his tip and smear it on my own shaft, mixing it with my own precum. Kyle watched with fascination as I lubricated myself.

"Relax Kyle, it's going to hurt a little." I said as I flipped him over and positioned myself behind him. I inserted my head into him and I could already feel his tight wall closing on me. I continued to slide into him and he immediately grew tight, squeezing me. I almost wanted to come, I have waited for this for so long.

"AAhhh- No! Stan… it hurts…"

"It's OK." I ran my hand down his side again, then took his cock in my other hand and started stroking it.

"No Stan, plea- ah!"

He sounded like he was really in pain, but I needed release, and I couldn't stop right now. I slammed back into him and I had to keep one hand under his stomach to prevent him from crumbling.

"Stan, please-AH-! Stop…" He pleaded over and over again as I kept thrusting. I thrusted deep into him and he moaned in pleasure; he was torn between pleasure and pain, but I didn't stop.

As I resumed pumping him, he came all over my hand and tightened around my length. But he wasn't moaning in pleasure, he was screaming in pain.

"Ah-! Stan, it hurts!" he was crying, just like last time. I felt bad immediately, but the drunken part inside of me told me to keep going.

"It'll be over soon Kyle." I coaxed as he kept sobbing.

I kept thrusting into him and began to pump him again. Soon enough, he was coming all over the sheet again and I was getting closer and closer to the edge. I leaned down to kiss his shoulder and I saw the pillow under him was stained with his tears.

"Don't cry." I coaxed sweetly into his ears, then kissed his shoulder gently again. But he only kept sobbing and whimpering quietly.

With a few more thrust, I came inside of him and some of it was leaking out from his tight entrance. I pulled out slowly and my cock was dripping with my own juice. Kyle immediately collapsed on the bed and he looked at me, not with hatred, but an empty expression that made me not know how to feel. His eyes were red. He opened his mouth to say something, but only breathed out in fatigue. I laid down beside him, and kissed his forehead. We were both exhausted. I reached for the lamp switch and turned it off, letting the darkness to swallow us whole.

* * *

**Yay, finally, update! **

**I hated the hand written first draft, so I made a whole bunch of correction and shit. That's why it took me so long. Sorry guys, it's my first time writing actual lemon, so I want it to be at least up to average. But to be honest, I still hate it.**

**Stan: No, I think it was alright. **

**Kyle: no it's not! (ran off crying.)**

**Stan: No! Kyle, come back!**

**Kenny: Dude, I didn't know Kyle is so serious about this.**

**Stan: What am I supposed to do now?**

**Me: Do him again, it's hot.**

**Stan: No fucking way dude!**

**Me: I don't care. Well, actually Stan, we don't care, all of us who's writing and reading this fic don't really care, we just want hot Styleness.**

**I am just kidding.**

**Please review**

**If you don't, _I'll hire Cartman and ask him to smear poop on your wall while you are groceries shopping with your mom._**

**I'll do it.**

**Alright, for now I gotta learn the rules of football so I can write this scene into the next chapter or next next chapter, or next next next chapter. Denpends on how I decide to pace this story. **** Never really give a shit about sports. XD**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.**

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews again! and I am currently typing up the next chapter with difficulty... because I don't have a computer and had to do it on my phone. Btw, I don't do drug. Drug is bad, M'kay. I was just bullshitting from what I read from Wikipedia in the last chapter about the effects of EXT, or whatever, I don't even remember how to spell it XD. I had never tried it myself.**

* * *

**Control**

I always hate that feeling you get in the morning right after Token's party. It's because everyone always end up doing some crazy shit they normally wouldn't do. And it always leaves this horrible, empty feeling inside of you; its like you were on top of the world last night and the next morning you find yourself on ground zero again. Everything just crumbles. No matter how solemnly you swear to stay sober before you get into his house because you say you need to go to church on Sunday, you never do, because someone is always there to hand you a bottle, or some God-knows-what shit that makes you high enough to jump off the roof. Except maybe Kenny. He's the only person I know who can resist any temptation. He tempts; but he never do it himself. Or maybe he has, but he always possesses this ability to restrain himself whenever he wants. The guy is like the devil. I guess that's what makes him a successful drug dealer - he could always talk you into something.

I never had a hangover as bad as this one I was having right now, it was like there's a construction site inside my head and some jackass was using a jack hammer in there. But that wasn't my primary concern when I woke up that morning after the party was over.

I found myself in this unfamiliar bed and I tried to remember what had led me here.

Disco ball, laser lights, Heidi, Token, Kenny, three shots of martini, pink pill, Kyle, Kyle, _Kyle_, and more of Kyle.

Screaming for me to stop.

Oh God.

As soon as I finished redressing myself, I rushed down that grand staircase that looked so glorious last night but had turned into a sight of desolation as the debris from last night's madness was scattered across the steps. I could see broken bottles everywhere, even puke. But I couldn't care less. Kyle. He's all I could think of now, despite the deafening noise made by the vacuum cleaners and the constant headache I was having, I could only think of Kyle and how much he's going to hate me for doing that to him last night... What was I thinking? I was scared. My mind kept coming up with dreadful possibilities - not only will Kyle hate me forever, he would never want to lay eyes on me ever again... My chest throbbed painfully and I almost choked on my own breath... I longed to see him right now and apologize...

As I kept running, I was stopped by an unfamiliar voice full of Spanish accent, it was one of the maids who's cleaning up the place,

"Senor, is this yours?" she held up an orange jacket that I immediately recognized.

"Yes, can I have it please?"

"Why, yes," she handed it to me.

I quickly thanked her and rushed out of that double door with the jacket in my hand. No one was outside and I didn't even know what time it was, it was just a blinding white - everything was covered in snow and the sky was depressingly gray. My car was still there, but Kyle was nowhere to be found. I tried calling his cell phone but it immediately directed me to his voice mail. What if he got home already? But then I caught a glimpse of that familiar red behind the giant statue of Stone and Parker, the two great founders of our town. My heart fluttered, at least I knew he was safe after all. I walked closer and I could hear the low sobbing noise he was making.

I had made him cry.

It's my fault.

Now I had found him, I was scared to face him.

Kyle doesn't cry, no matter how harsh things are, he doesn't cry. Even when he's on his deathbed, he doesn't cry. That's why his tears are so precious. When he cries, you know someone has broken his heart. And I had never thought that this someone could be me.

"Kyle." I called out to him. He didn't answer, but he slowly turned around to face me.

"Why?" his eyes were swollen, tears were still rolling off his pretty green eyes that were now filled with despair... I didn't know what to say. It's me, it's all my fault. It's why Kyle is crying right now, because of me...

"Why did you have to do that Stan?" his voice broken and accusing, piercing my heart like a knife. I felt so ashamed, I felt like I was a monster... How could I do that to my best friend? God, I am worse than a senseless beast!

"I..."

Didn't know what I could say.

Hatred.

My own hatred.

I wish he would just kick me, punch me, scream at me, then act like everything is fine, just like how we had done so many times when we had fights.

But this time I could only feel my own hatred.

"I love you so much Stan, why did you have to do that to me?"

He uttered each word so clearly and I wished they were bullets that could shoot me dead.

"I thought, I thought-"

I watched as Kyle lost his balance, he started falling, and in my panic I instinctively reached out to catch him. My mind went blank. I didn't know what was going on and the headache didn't help.

"-we were friends." he said as more tears swelled up in his eyes.

I wanted to say something, but I only gagged. I could feel Kyle trembling in my arms. He was ice cold. I wrapped his jacket around him and he started speaking again,

"Why? Why do you have to play with my feelings like that? I can't-"

He coughed. And I could only think of one thing, he needed his insulin. He hadn't taken any since yesterday. He was already half conscious as I lifted him and ran to my car. He was too light, I was scared I would break him if I held on too tight... But then I realized I had already broken him last night...

My mind told me to keep going because Kyle needed me right now. My heart started to pound so loud I could hear it in my head.

"Stan..." he spoke again as I tried to fasten the seat belt on him.

"It's OK Kyle, I'll take you to my house and we can give you your insulin shot." I tried to say as soothingly as possible, I didn't even know if I was trying to calm myself or Kyle.

"I don't want to go to your house." he mumbled.

My heart sank. He had lost trust in me. And I have no one else to blame.

"Kyle, I will make everything better." I could hear my own voice faltered.

"You always say that." he paused, trying to push me away, "You never do."

I didn't know what to say, because he was right, I never did make him feel better. I play with his feelings, I drugged him, then I...

That's not what I need right now! I needed to drive Kyle home and give him his insulin shot.

"Let me go!" he tried his best to wriggle out if my reach, but I was determined.

"Kyle, stop it!"

"I-I am going to walk home!"

It hurts so much when I see him like that. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Let me go!"

I ignored his demands and closed the door, then I rushed back to the driver seat to start the engine.

"Kyle, don't-"

He was trying to get out of the car, I took hold of both of this shoulders and looked him straight in his eyes.

"Kyle, look at me." I pleaded.

"I don't want to!" he screamed hysterically. I was surprised he was still capable with this kind of strength in this condition.

"I won't do anything to hurt you." and I meant it from the depth of my heart, "not anymore." then I boldly kissed him on his lips, gently, as to calm him down. My lips lingered maybe a little too long, my mind was thinking what if this is the last time I am going to be able to kiss him? Kyle didn't move, and surprisingly I could feel him relaxed. I pulled away slowly and he only nodded slightly. I patted his head to comfort him, and he closed his eyes in fatigue. I took off my letterman and put it on him. Then I turn the heat up in my car, I was worried he would get hypothermia since he's been out in the cold for so long without his jacket.

We kept silent on the way back home. The street was pretty empty since most people were at church.

When we finally got back to my house, I lifted Kyle in my arms again and it reminded me of last night. I didn't want to think if it anymore, and I still couldn't believe I actually did that to Kyle...

I carefully put him down on the couch and went to fetch his insulin in the medicine cupboard. Luckily it was still usable.

I had learned how to inject a diabetic patient with insulin since I was ten. Kyle's mom made me do it. She said it'll be safer if Kyle ever passes out and someone next to him knows what to do. And since that someone is always me, I was the one to do it. It really isn't that difficult. The thing is, you don't want to inject too deep, because it hurts like hell if you inject the insulin in the muscles. You want to inject the stuff in his fat, but since Kyle was considerably skinny and didn't have much body fat, it's not an easy task.

He remained half conscious on the couch as I carefully pinched some of his skin between my thumb and my index finger to inject the needle in the regular place he usually use, which has already become a tiny red mark over the years.

I was relieved when Kyle didn't wince or anything. At least that means I did something right. While he was regaining his strength on the couch, I went to the kitchen to get something to eat. I was starving since I didn't eat any dinner last night and I was sure Kyle would need something to replenish his blood sugar with. Then I caught sight of a note on the fridge.

"Stanley,

I know that you are not going to come back anytime soon. We had chicken Alfredo pasta for supper last night, you can microwave them for 2 minutes. Don't leave yourself starving.

Mom"

Mom and Dad must be at church right now, as for Shelly, I was sure she's somewhere drunk, with her boyfriend or something. I took the pasta out and put it in the microwave for two minutes as my Mom instructed. Then I went back to Kyle. He stared at me as I walked closer. I thought he was going to say something, and I wanted him to, because I didn't know what to say.

"Do you feel better now?"

"No." he answered plainly.

"Are you hungry? You want something to eat?"

"No." he said again, his face expressionless.

I kneeled down on the floor next to him. I really wished he would at least punch me or hit me, I didn't want to see this empty Kyle. He looked up to the ceiling and said,

"I wish I can hate you Stan."

He turned his head to look at me, his cheeks dried with trails of tear stains.

"But I can't."

* * *

**Yes, cliffhanger you to death. That's what those of you who added my story to alert but never even stop by to say hi in a review wanted, right? While I stayed up all night reading some stupid research papers and psychology books pertaining to the topic of the difference between men and women so that I could sound more like a jocky quarterback when I write.**

**I am totally angst-ridden and emo now after writing this chapter. My friend who had read this started to call me Ms. Rape. Because I was constantly asking him what he would do if his best friend raped him or vice versa. He told me most of his best friends are girls and if they raped him then "whoohoo". He's so Kenny. Lol.**

**Here's a little something about me that is quite interesting, so if you want to know, read ahead, if not, just ignore me.**

**I live with my aunt and my uncle, and I don't have a computer because I just know they won't buy me one. But fortunately, I have another aunt who cares about me a lot and she just lives half a mile down from where I live. And for complicated reasons, I am stuck here and I can't go live with the nice aunt. But recently, the nice aunt's son (my cousin) gave me their old iPhone 3G for my birthday and he's paying for the phone plan and stuff. So now I can have access to Internet and check my reviews and read other fanfics and type up my story then email it to myself so I can publish it when I have access to a laptop in the nice aunt's house. It's basically all I do everyday all summer long. Because the aunt I am living with, due to previous heated arguments with her, I entirely stop communicating with her and her husband. I don't even eat dinner. And whenever no one is in the house or when everyone is asleep, I would like sneak out and get something to eat. I know it sounds creepy and unnecessary, but I guess it's the Asian part of me that won't give up my dignity to someone whom I don't respect. But I came here to seek better education and whatnot because I know I won't do any better where I came from, which is Hong Kong. Anyway, I am pretty proud of myself because I manage to keep this embarrassing secret from the nice aunt and my parents in Hong Kong, even tho I suspect that she actually knows. And I also managed to stay on top with my grades and stuff so I can get scholarships and full rides. I stay away from drugs and other bad influences except that one time I went out with a bad boy and got myself hurt quite badly emotionally. But that's another story.**

**I guess the moral of the story is don't try to do stupid shit even though your life is depressing, study hard because it's your only way out. You know how it goes, typical Asian crap.**

**Thanks for reading my (actual) story :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.**

**Warning: Super angsty Stan on this chapter.**

* * *

**Control**

"Run faster you pathetic piece of crap!" Parry yelled at Peterson from behind. I couldn't blame him, it's really cold today and Parry was training us hard for the homecoming game against Conifer, which was coming up in two weeks. Normally you would think it's nice running in the cold, but it definitely is not, I would much rather run under the sun even if it's one hundred and two degrees outside. At least it feels much better when the air temperature is same as your body temperature. It's beyond torture when your body is burning inside but your ass is freezing on the outside. The trick is you gotta breathe with your nose, never breathe with your mouth; because when you take in all that freezing air in your lungs, you'd be passing out five minutes into it. But it doesn't really help much, running is still running.

"Ye-yes sir!" Peterson responded, he sounded pretty out of breathe. I didn't really care, I just wanted to keep running and forget about everything.

"Poor kid. Coach is too harsh on those freshmen..." Zach the annoying sophomore said. For some reason he always wanted to talk to me or tried to be friends with me. But I was never really interested in his annoying character.

"Just shut up and keep running." I said under my breath. Then I sped up, so I was far away from him and his pointless banters that he probably prepared at home ahead of time just so he could talk to Stan Marsh the star athlete of our school.

God I miss Kyle.

Everyone else just wanted to be with me because I was the star player, because I was the best quarterback in South Park High's history: with eighteen touchdown passes in one season as a sophomore and averaged three touchdown passes per game. "He's got a clear head too" the sports reporter on Channel 5 news said.

Everyone was always telling me I am going to be one of the best players in NFL. And I knew soon enough colleges would be keeping a close eye on me once my senior year starts.

To be honest, I think my dad would love me less if I wasn't a football player.

And the terrible truth was, I didn't even like playing football. Sure it's fun sometimes, but after a while I got bored and the only reason that I kept doing it was because I was good at it. I win, that's why I play.

"Y'all need to keep up with Stan! For God's sake Carlson, how are you gonna keep up with Stan's passes?" Parry shouted through his loudspeaker, which was extremely unnecessary, because I was sure even people in the classrooms could hear him from the field with or without the speaker. I stole a quick glance over my shoulder and most of the guys were huffing and puffing behind me and Bob, our senior quarterback, who was our current captain.

"Hey Stan, maybe you should slow down. It sure ain't easy for the freshmen." Bob said breathlessly. He's been like my mentor ever since I tried out for football in my freshmen year. Even though they often said I was a better quarterback then he was, he never developed any hard feelings and always treated me like an equal. Though personally I think I still have much to learn from him, like leadership and gameplay tactics.

I only nodded in response. I really didn't feel like talking today.

I didn't want to slow down, I felt like if I just keep running in eternity then everything would somehow goes back to normal; like if I run really fast I would be able to travel back in time to go back to last Thursday when everything was perfectly fine and all I needed to do was kill myself in the past to take care of the time traveling paradox. Then I could go ahead and make everything right and Kyle would still be my super best friend and I just needed to keep it that way because it's all I wanted, no more, no less; because at least I could talk to him even though I might not have him... But it's all I wanted right now... I just wish I hadn't hurt him... I wish everything could start over again, I wish I was never the star quarterback, I wish I had never make Kyle cry by making him jealous. I wish-

"Stan! That's enough!" Parry's voice interrupted my thoughts. Everyone else had already stopped and was gathering around him, I saw some of them glaring at me, I guessed I pissed them off by running too fast today. I heard Parry muttered something to Bob and Zach the annoying sophomore chuckled.

"Maybe I need to consider making you the running back," Parry joked. But I knew he never would.

I still kept silent and didn't respond to the joke, I just wanted to get this over with and go home.

"Alright, guys. We are gonna practice drill forty-five. We are planning to use that against Conifer in the next game..." Bob kept explaining and I didn't really hear the rest of the prep talk, I already knew how it went - we don't want to loose this one because it's gonna be a bummer to our school if we don't win at our own house, blah, blah, blah, team spirit, blah, blah, blah... See, that's what I meant when I say Bob was actually a much better captain than I am ever going to be. He's got that charisma, and me? People either worship me or hate me... I didn't know how I was gonna fill in this pair of big shoes when he's gone.

I felt really drained. I felt like something was sucking the life right out of me... It's that void, empty feeling... I wondered if Kyle felt like that after I drugged him and-

I saw the ball spiraling in mid air as it came at me and I caught it out of natural reflex, but my mind went blank and I forgot who I was supposed to pass the ball to. I looked down at the end zone and saw Carl waving his hands up high in the air, I immediately got his hint and passed it to him. I was a little off and he had to make a run for it.  
I couldn't concentrate right now...

After a few more drills, Parry let us go early, which was quite unexpected. But that wasn't the only surprise.

"Stan, come o'er here for a minute." Parry gestured for me to come over. I ran to him, refraining myself to tell him to fuck off and quit giving me one of his "the team and I depend on you son" speech. But I was wrong.

"Is something bothering you son?" that was the last thing I expected him to say.

"No sir."

"Don't lie to me, you got that written all over your face."

I kept silent, like I am supposed to tell him I am gay for my best friend and I raped him last Saturday?

"Girls problems?" He looked ahead onto the field and adjusted his cap by pulling at the visor.

Whoa.

"Sorta,"

I wanted to ask him how did he know, but I guess I had that written all over my face again.

"I was a teenager once."

I really wanted to run now. I'd prefer the unpleasant locker room over a heart-to-heart with Parry.

"Who is she?"

Seriously dude? Like if I tell you who "she" is, are you gonna tell me how to get "her" to be my "girlfriend"?

"Is she a cheerleader?"

I nodded, I just wanted to get the hell out.

"Look coach, I promise I will pay attention next time, it's just recent-"

"Don't be so fast son, you gotta deal with these problems and I ain't letting a girl to ruin my star player."

Okay.

"Stan, if you are worrying about who you should take out to the homecoming dance, I can always help you to get one of those cheerleaders to go with you. They are all dying to go with our best quarterback. You don't have to-"

"Coach, really, I got my date already, I just-"

"Well then what are you so worried about?"

Lie, I gotta lie quick.

"The suit, I was worrying what color I should get."

He looked at me like he didn't really believe me, but I couldn't care less. At least for now he still thought that I was 100% heterosexual.

"Alright then, hit the shower." he said skeptically and patted my back as I turned around and ran.

I wasn't even planning on going to the dance, because I knew I would be so worn out after the game, I wouldn't even want to get up and dance with some random chick who just wants to show me off like a trophy. I ain't Token. And if I am ever going to dance with anyone, it's going to be Kyle, but I knew it's impossible.

* * *

I stopped by Kyle's house before I headed home. I was on his doorstep, hesitating whether I should knock or not. I really wanted to see him, but he had told me he needed some space and time to think. We didn't talk much during English today, since we spent most of the class period listening to Ms. Fonard's lecture on tropes and taking notes for a grade. When we got out of class he scurried out of the room so fast I knew he was trying to avoid me. I was so ashamed I couldn't even look at Ms. Fonard's face when she asked me what happened.

I just wanted to see him.

But I only ended up going home. He probably hated me right now and would never want to see my face again. He could be home, burning every single trace and evidence of our friendship...

(I wish I can hate you Stan.)

It hurt so bad I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I don't deserve him as a best friend. No, I don't deserve him at all.

So I went home. I was afraid to see the pure disgust on his face the moment he opened the door.

* * *

The water was stingily cold. And I was too lazy to wait till it gets warm. Then I decided what the heck, I'll just go ahead and have a cold shower. I didn't care if I get a cold and die. I probably wouldn't die, but I sure wish I'd get sick and Kyle would at least come and look at me.

Kyle.

He's been on my mind ever since, I couldn't stop thinking about him and my obsession had led me this far, to this-  
"Are you kidding me?" I said almost too loudly as I stared in disbelief at my boner.

I swear, I wasn't even horny.

Damn teenage hormone.

I sat down on the tub and wrapped my fingers around my cock.

I didn't even feel like doing it. So I got up, got out of the shower, dried myself up, put on my clothes and started to wait.

My life couldn't possibly get any more fucked up than this.

I lay down on my bed, staring at the ceiling mindlessly. I used the back of my hand to cover up my eyes and everything turned dark. Images from last Saturday surged up in my mind and I could almost feel our lips touched again and again, his skin so warm and tender... I could hear him moaned in my ears...

"Kyle..."

I couldn't help but started to touch myself, at the same time feeling guilty and disgusted by my own thoughts and actions.

_What am I supposed to do?_

_

* * *

_**As usual** **reviews would be great and make me want to write more. See how you guys reviewed a lot yesterday and I immediately updated today despite the danger of getting caught using the computer. **

**I want to thank my friend Johnny for reading it first hand and telling me what he thinks as a normal teenage boy. Yes he's the one that's like real life Kenny.I guess not so normal after all. Meh, all teenagers are horny, who am I to criticize, right?  
**

**Generally Johnny thinks this is too cliche but he said it's fine because it's just fanfiction XD**

**That's Johnny. **

**And really, thank you Johnny, we don't get much heterosexual guys wanting to read stuff like that. lol  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park**

**A/N: There's actually some more Kyle here. And sinister plot twist with some Bunny.**

* * *

**Control**

It's been three days since I last talked with Kyle; but I felt like it was three months. I looked at the empty passenger seat everyday and I just missed him the more. Everyday Kenny would park next to me and give me this look, like he's sorry for giving me the pill or something. Really, it's not his fault; I was the one who decided to do it. Then he would always try to say something to make me feel better, then he'd awkwardly move on to other topics, like football or "Oh man, it was so funny when my parents had a fight last night... You know what she said to him?"

We walked into the school side by side as usual and the moment I turned my attention away from Kenny and to the crowd, I saw Kyle and Butters in front of us. Kyle looked absolutely furious and for a second I thought his anger was directed at me. But then I noticed that Butters was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.

"Kenny, we need to talk to you." Kyle said firmly. His eyebrows furrowed in anger.

"Kyle, let's go, I don't wanna-" Butters whined helplessly.

"No Butters, I am not letting this bastard to get away with this anymore!" I didn't know what had made him so angry, my mind stopped working the moment I saw him this close to me, I wanted to talk to him, but the current situation was making it impossible.

A crowd started to gather around us and I felt the need to interfere,

"Kyle, I think we should take this-"

"No, I am not taking this to the back of the school during lunch or after school." He was shooting his death glare at Kenny. I didn't know what to say, he sounded like he was about to punch Kenny in his face.

I looked at Kenny, he didn't even seem a bit unnerved by Kyle's words; instead, he was folding his arms across his chest leisurely, looking down on Kyle and Butters with complete annoyance.

"That's a little hypocritical, don't you think Kyle? Trying to help Butters, huh? What about yourself? You can't even deal-"

"Shut the fuck up Kenny! This has nothing to do with me! You need to apologize to Butters! Right now!" Kyle emphasized by pointing to the floor with the last two syllables.

"What the hell is your problem? Butters can stand up for himself if he needs an apology from me. Right, Buttercup?" He turned his head to look at Butters, reaching out his hand to lift Butters's face up, the corner of his mouth turning into a sick twisted grin... I had never seen this Kenny before, what the hell is going on?

"Back off! Kenny McCormick!" Kyle slapped his hand away, "You can't touch him!"

"Butters didn't say he didn't like it."

"Guys, I think that's enou-"

"Stan, stay out of this one, you have no idea what this bastard did to Butters!"

"Not so different from what Stan did to you." Kenny said cruelly. I still had no idea what was going on... But I immediately felt guilty at the mention of last Saturday...

"Kenny, please... This is not Kyle's fault..." Butters pleaded weakly, his voice was barely audible.

"Aw, look Kyle, you are making a big deal out of things, looka little Butters here doesn't really want your help. You are just making a fool out of yourself Kye." Kenny said sadistically, that cruel grin still hanging on his face as he grabbed Butters by his shoulder and pulled him onto his chest. But Butters still looked really frightened.

"Tell him Butters, tell Kyle you don't need his help and we are perfectly fine." Kenny said to Butters, but his eyes still on Kyle.

"But-"

"Just say it." Kenny ordered.

"Than-thanks Kyle, but I don't need your help..." he looked like he was about to burst out crying.

"Butters! Wha- fight him! You can't just give in like this! What about all those-"

"Kyle! I don't wanna think about it no more! Just... I am sorry, but I really..." Kyle let out a frustrated groan then turned around and stormed away.

I watched as Kyle started to disappear from the crowd. I needed to chase after him, but my legs weren't responding to what I was thinking. I looked at Kenny and Butters, who had already turned their backs on me and were heading towards the back stairs. I looked in front of me again and Kyle was getting farther and farther away.

"Kyle!" I shouted. A couple of girls looked at me like I was crazy.

He didn't turn around, like he didn't hear me. I started to sprint really fast through the crowd, shoving some people aside, I didn't have time to stop and apologize...

"Kyle!" I called out desperately again.

This time he heard me and he turned around. His expression somewhat softened from the anger a few minutes before.

"Stan?" He said my name so casually for a moment I thought maybe through my sprint I had traveled back in time to last week before all these fucked up shit happened.

"Kyle," I stood in front of him, trying to regain my breath, not from the running, but the pure shock, or was it joy? I didn't even know anymore.

"Class is gonna start soon, I gotta go." His attitude suddenly turned cold, as if he had forgotten to act like that just a few seconds ago when he said my name. But no, I wasn't letting him go.

"Kyle, please, I just want to talk to you."

"OK, but you can wait till lunch, I have to go to class." He turned around and started to walk away. I knew he was not going to talk to me during lunch because we don't even have lunch together! So I grabbed his hand, causing him to halt. But he still didn't turn around.

"Stan, please let me go."

"No, I am not letting go."

"People are watching."

"I don't care."

I started to walk towards the emergency exist, dragging him along with me.

"Stan! What the- now we have to walk all the way around to get back in! We are gonna be late for class!" He screamed hysterically once we got out of the school, white smoke coming out from his mouth due to the sudden drop of temperature. No one was here, even horny couples wouldn't go so far, because Kyle was right, you really need to walk all the way around to get back inside.

I didn't care what was going on with Kenny and Butters and what Kyle had to do with all that, I just knew I couldn't suppress my feelings anymore; Kyle was right in front of me...

I wrapped my arms around him, pressing his head against my throat, inhaling his scent... I missed him; I missed him so much, it hurts... And I wanted him to know, to know how regretful I had been; I wanted him to feel my heart beat, how it starts beating randomly out of order when I am close to him...

Kyle didn't struggle, he just stood there and let me hug him. Then I suddenly felt something wet was on my neck. I pulled away and found him crying.

"Kyle..."

He wiped his tears away using his gloved hands. He still kept silent, and the guilt surged through my mind again...

"I am sorry..."

He sniffed, looking distantly to his right, avoiding my gaze.

"It's not you Stan, I just-I missed you too." he looked at me again with watery eyes. I knew he was feeling the same pain I was feeling... Why do we have to put ourselves through this?

"I just wish those feelings would go away," he looked down at the snow-covered ground.

"Kyle, look at me." he shook his head, refusing to look. I lowered my head to press our foreheads together; he didn't move away, so I slowly closed in and kissed his nose.

"Don't make them go away." I pleaded in a whisper.

The moment he looked up our lips touched. His upper lip locked between my own; he was soft and moist. All the misery from these past few days began to melt away inside my chest. I could feel him leaning closer and I wanted to pull him into a tighter embrace... but then he abruptly pulled away, breaking the kiss, cold air penetrating the increasing space between us again. He looked up to me and said,

"Stan, I just need some more time to think."

Disappointment flushed back in and I could only nod mechanically. I felt sore and tired... With the first bell ringing, I could see his mouth forming the word "bye", then he turned around and left, leaving me in the cold, alone.

* * *

After entirely skipping Physics (I hate that douchebag teacher anyway, even though I like Physics) I decided I should go to second period. I needed something to get my mind off Kyle.

"I am sorry Mrs. Martinez. I was-"

"It's OK, Stanley. Take a seat please, we just barely started." She smiled at me warmly, motioning for me to sit down.

Mrs. Martinez was one of those US history teachers who teaches US history because she's patriotic and passionate about anything related to America. For God's sake, she named her twins Patrick and Henry. She's also exceptionally nice to those of us who eagerly celebrate the American tradition - football. She buys all the season tickets each year from us and the baseball team and take her entire family with her to every single one of our games. But she's not nice to everyone though. When other people are late, she would kick their asses to the office. And I always couldn't help but notice that sacarstic hint in her niceness.

"OK class, as we were saying yesterday, the last straw that led to the succession of the South was-?" she skimmed through the classroom, and Clyde Donovan shot up his hand.

"OK Clyde."

"Clouds."

Not again.

Everyone from Garrison's class started laughing, including me. It's the old joke.

…

_"OK, let's pick someone who's not a complete retard. C'mon children don't be shy."_

_"I think I know the answer Mr. Garrison!"_

_"Mehmehmehmehmehmehmeh."_

_"Hey shut up fat boy!"_

_"Hey don't call me fat you fucking Jew!"  
_

Good times...

Somehow I wished Kyle, Cartman and Kenny were here to reenact the whole scene, I didn't care if we got sent to the office again because of the f-word.

The laughter began to cease and all the other students who didn't understand the joke looked at us like we were crazy. I personally think they were just jealous of our bond.

"OK guys, calm down. I know it's funny to you guys but what is the answer, c'mon."

But Kyle wasn't here to answer the question, some bookworm with super thick glasses answered the whole question like he was reciting from the textbook or something. I stopped listening. I never really give a shit about history. Who cares what the fuck happened in the past anyway? I just want to know what's gonna happen in the future! Like if Kyle is going to-

"Stanley, can you please turn off the lights?" Martinez asked. She was about to show us a video about Abe Lincoln. I got out of the seat and flicked the switch.

The projector came on and Abe Lincoln's face appeared.

If the Lincoln's ghost was real and if ghosts were all-knowing and if Abe Lincoln really never lies; I wanted to ask him why could nothing get my mind off Kyle.

* * *

After the agonizingly boring and gross Biology lecture on fungi and yeasts, I was lucky that my stomach didn't turn over. Criag had fallen asleep long ago, so I woke him up and told him it's time to go. Surprisingly, I didn't get the middle finger from him.

It's finally sixth period.

I wanted to see Kyle, but I knew he was going to act cold again... I could still clearly remember the kiss from this morning. It made me happy thinking of the kiss, but at the same time the memory of it brings me the depressing coldness and uncertainty of it all... God, since when I sound like a complete faggot?

Oh well, I am in love with a dude.

People told me during lunch that Ms. Fonard was getting married next month because her boyfriend had proposed to her, and the name of her future husband was quite, well, lovely. Because his last name is Lovely. So starting from next month we have to call Ms. Fonard Mrs. Lovely. How suitable.

She stood at her door, greeting her students like usual, she did look extra lovely today, I guess it's true when they say a woman in love looks more beautiful.

I congratulated her and she smiled and thanked me. Then I got into the classroom and sat down in my usual seat. Kyle was digging in his backpack, apparently faking it so he didn't have to talk to me. So I turned my head to look at Butters, he looked really pale. I wonder if that had to do with this morning-

"I am sure all of you have heard the news already," After the bell rang and everyone was in their seats, Ms. Fonard looked at us and grinned.

"No need for further explanation I believe. And because of this, I decided that we should talk about love today." She tugged her hair back behind her ear. Some guys began to sigh and shook their heads, the girls just kept paying close attention. Ms. Fonard only kept going,

"Nothing in this world has any meaning unless our minds assign a definition for it. In other words, love is not love unless we experienced it and know what it means. Everyone has a different meaning in their head. Some people think that if you truly care about someone then you love them; some people think that you have to sacrifice in order to love; some people think that love is all about lust. It all depends on what experience you have had with love."

"So," she took a deep breath, as if to recover from that long speech she had just given us. "I want each and one of you to write an essay about what you think love is." she paused again, took a sip from her Starbucks thermos, then continued,

"But I don't want you to write a boring essay to just humor me. I want you to tell me why you love who you love. Now, don't tell me you don't love anyone, because you must love someone at least once in your life. I am not going to read it out loud, so…"

Kyle.

I looked across the room to stare at Kyle. I was sure he knew I was looking at him…

Why does everything make me think of him? Give me a break, God, please.

I looked forward again, Ms. Fonard was handing out a rubric for the essay, I took a glance at it. She said she's going to give us the rest of the class to work on the essay. I didn't want to write no essay, I just wanted to talk with Kyle. I wanted to know who he's going to write about… Was he going to write about me like how he did in that "hero project" back in eighth grade?

He stood up from his seat along with his backpack and started to walk toward the teacher's desk. I could faintly hear what he was saying over the girls' annoying gossips.

"Ms. Fonard, I think my blood sugar is low, since I didn't eat lunch today. I am sorry, but may I go to the nurse's office please?"

Ms. Fonard nicely nodded and handed him a pass. I watched as he stepped out of the classroom without even looking back. It was like as if we weren't in the same room and I was entirely invisible.

I felt angry. At myself or at Kyle, I don't know. But why did he always have to do something stupid that is bad for himself just to avoid me?

I leaned back in my seat, letting out frustrated sigh. Then I looked at Ms. Fonard again, and she looked back at me with a bitter-sweet smile.

* * *

**OK things seem to take a turn here. And I think this story is going to end soon, with maybe three or less chapters I am going to finish it up. Since school is going to start on Monday for me here in Houston... Sucks! I think I will say good bye to fanfic for a while... Man, why did I chose to take all those killer classes? You won't believe it. I have freaking 7 AP classes this year! I have Calculus, Chemistry, Physics, Art, English, US government and economics... Because it's my senior year... man I feel so freaking old...**

**BTW, can someone go to my profile and vote for a poll I created 2 days ago?**

**Also I wrote another one shot that is about Stan, slight Style. Go check it out if you are interested, it's called "I am bored".**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry guys it took so long. To be honest I DON'T like this chapter at all. It's total bullshit. Tell me in your review if you agree. But I still wanted to update because it's been 3 weeks and I finally am done with all the AP Chem crap, well, temporarily. And crap, don't even mention Physics. So much pressure! Teacher's always getting on my back trying to get me to do his Physics homework while I am just trying to chill in his classroom after school with the other nerds. Sorry, and that's why I don't have time to write my fic lol. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park**

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**Control**

"Stan! Stan! Come down here and look! The Cowboys are beating the shit out of the Texans!" My dad shouted from downstairs. I could totally imagine how he's only in his underwear right now with a bottle of beer in one hand.

I just really wanted to tell him, I don't give a shit about football.

"Touchdown! YEAH!"

"Jesus Christ..." I rubbed the bridge of my nose, squinting my eyes shut, hoping to get some concentration to study for my Biology test for Monday, which is tomorrow. I had already been in church and doing community service the whole day, I really needed these two hours before bed to study. But my dad just didn't seem to care enough to turn down the volume of the TV or watch it somewhere else, say like the bar? Or his friend's house.

"Randeeeee! Can you take out the trash please?"

"Ask Stan to do it, this is way too good!"

I sighned, then got up reluctantly and walked down stairs.

"It's alright Mom, I'll take it out."

"Thank God Stanley, you are nothing like your father." She muttered to herself as I stepped out to the porch.

It was chilly outside and the only thing I had to keep me warm was my lettermen jacket. Not that I love showing off that football badge 24/7, but that baby really keeps you warm.

Suddenly I didn't feel like studying for my Bio test anymore. Screw it, who cares about fungi and yeasts?

Maybe I could go somewhere.

"Mom, I'm gonna take a walk around the neighborhood." I poked my head through the door.

"OK, be careful."

It's almost Thanksgiving, and the weather is starting to get really cold, which is going to make it a hell lot more difficult for the upcoming games. And this time next year, I would be captain of the football team. Things are passing by too fast. Way too fast. I still felt like I was at the beginning of my junior year.

The road was dark, and the only source of light was coming from the street lamps and some of the windows of my neighbors' houses. I looked to my right and noticed that I had already wandered off to the Donovans' house. Butters's house was a few blocks down. I had an urge to find out what's going on between him and Kenny. Even though it's none of my business, I just wanted to know what had made Kyle so mad.

"Hey Stan!" Clyde's voice echoed in the empty streets. He was dumping a bag of trash outside his house.

"Hey." I greeted him half-heartedly.

"What are you doing here all by yourself?" he sniffed loudly, rubbing his runny nose.

"Nothing, just taking a walk."

"Oh."

Yeah.

"Isn't there a game?"

"You know I don't really give a crap."

He nodded, joining me at my side.

"So, you think we gonna win homecoming again this year?"

I sighed mentally at another football banter. When are people gonna understand that I, literally, don't give a crap?

"Yeah."

"That's cool. Where are you heading?" I know Clyde wasn't really into sports either.

"Nowhere."

And I realized how emo that must have sounded to him

He looked at me and gave me a weird look.

"Doesn't sound like something you'd say. You OK man?"

"Yeah."

"Just checking." He then looked up to the sky.

"There's a lot of stars tonight."

I looked up, finding Clyde was right. There's always a lot of stars in the sky, but it seemed like there were more tonight. I wondered if Kyle knew. I remembered when we were kids, we used to go camping in the woods quite often, and we always tried to count the stars in the sky at night before we fell asleep in the coldness, cuddling against each other... Now it all seemed so distant, just like all these stars.

"Dude! Watch out!" But it was too late, Clyde already bumped into the steel hard street lamp pole.

"Ow! Ow..."

"You alright man?" I stopped walking, examining his face in the dim light, trying to see if there were any sign of bleeding.

"Sssss... Yeah..." he hissed.

Then we resumed walking silently. It's not exactly awkward. We were just both bored out of our minds and wanted to seek some company. When we have completed a circle and he's at his house again, he headed back inside and I was alone in the cold again. I increased my pace and I was outside of Butters's house for the second time.

It would be too awkward. So I decided to turn back and return home. I didn't even know why I came out here in the first place.

"What the heck." I groaned and turned around again to walk up the little road that leads to the Stortch's doorstep.

I regretted it the moment my finger left the doorbell.

"Good evening Stan." Butters's mom greeted me.

"Hi Mrs. Stortch. I was wondering if I could talk to Butters for a sec- I know it's kinda late, but-"

"No no no, it's fine. Butters is just upstairs studying." She smiled, but I wasn't so dumb as not to notice that annoyance in her eyes. But oh well, I was already in.

"Thanks." I muttered out of courtesy, what I really meant was "sorry, I was just trying to help your son out with problems that he couldn't confide in you and your husband."

She closed the door and walked back inside the kitchen. Mr. Stortch was nowhere to be found. So I just went ahead and walked upstairs.

It was dark upstairs, the lights in the hallway was off and it looked sorta creepy. There was a thin line of light sipping out from where Butters room was located.

I carefully knocked on his door and said,

"Hey, Butters, this is Stan. Can I like talk to you for a sec?"

Great. This is gonna be awkward.

"Oh- er, wait."

Then there was the noise of things being shuffled.

"Hi Stan." Butters said as the door popped open.

"Em, can I come in?" Not that I want to.

"Sure." He held open the door further and I stepped inside the neat, clean room of Butters's

"So er, man… how should I put this…" I touched the back of my head, this was awkward, how are you suppose to ask someone if they are gay or not and what's going on with him and his boyfriend when you are not even that close to that person?

"I am sorry about Kyle." He paused, "I know he was trying to help me, but, I…" he trailed off, looking somewhere else. He looked like he was going to cry or something. Jeez, I wanted to get the hell out.

"Well, I am sorry Butters, I didn't mean to bring it up the and make you-"

"No, it's alright Stan."

I didn't say anything. He looked like he had more to say.

"It's getting late though, I am sure your parents are worry about you. We have school tomorrow, I think I am going to bed soon."

OK. So I guess I'll leave.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye Stan."

* * *

So I didn't study for my Biology test and I still didn't know what's going on between Kenny and Butters and why Kyle was so mad about it.

I am getting tired of this.

It's eating me, from inside out.

I'm tired, I want out.

I don't care anymore.

But I can't even lie to myself…

What does he not understand? What else does he need to think about?

I love him, I am sorry I did that to him… but I only did it because I was-I was so… _insanely_ in love with him… I don't want to deny it anymore. I don't understand why he's still lying to himself; he loves me, he knows, but he just doesn't want to admit it no matter what.

I just want Kyle.

But it's not just the physical want, it's not just all about the sex… it's his person, him, I want him, I want to talk to him, to hear him laugh again, to just do things with him together… I miss him too much… I never thought I would be this miserable without him… I always took him for granted… we've been best friend for so long I never thought that he will leave me like this…

I just want him to look at me again.

I couldn't concentrate on anything; lectures, study, football practice…

I couldn't fall asleep at night and my entire body was drained; my chest felt so restrained all the time… It's that feeling when you are madly in love with someone and yet you can't see them; someone who has been friends with you since the dawn of time; someone who has always been there for you; someone you ultimately betrayed and had lost their trust… I would lay awake on my bed at night, feeling that pain twisting inside my chest and feeling hopelessly tired and yet couldn't fall asleep no matter what. I would always ended up snoozing off an hour or two before my alarm goes off cruelly and I would have to get out of my bed and go to school.

Coach was not happy with me, and tomorrow is the game.

And right now I am on my bed, and as usual, I couldn't fall asleep.

"Stan?" my bedroom door creaked open and a familiar shadow was casted across the floor.

"Kyle?" I sprang up from my bed. Is this possible?

"I know the game is tomorrow, I just want to…" he walked closer to me. My heart was beating fast, I could hear each beat echoing in my ears.

He reached out to touch my face; I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes, wishing for more…

Our lips touched, and all I knew was, I was happy, so happy, I didn't want this to end.

"Stan…" he uttered my name softly. "I love you."

And that was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard.

I wanted him to touch me, I wanted more…

I could feel warm air on my neck as he moaned, pressing himself on me… His hand running through my hair and I wanted to do the same to him…

"Ah… Stan…"

I felt myself getting close… that feeling traveling through my spine and exploded in the back of my mind, and all I could think of is Kyle, Kyle and Kyle… I could feel myself sweating… the feeling of our bodies pressing against each other and his skin so warm and moist… everything was so overwhelming… I was so close… and the noises he was making between each breath were driving me closer and closer to the edge.

"Stan, I love you." He repeated.

I came, and all I could hear was myself crying out.

_Beep beep beep beep beep…_

Sonova bitch.

I sighed.

What else could I do?

That was a fucking dream!

I rubbed my eyes hard, reluctantly getting out of my bed. I looked down and saw my own juice still dripping from my cock.

"Fuck!"

I could still feel the crave, the want, the _need_, still burning inside of me… yet I am still tired.

But the fact doesn't change, the game is still today.

If I had a gun, I would so shoot myself in my head, because it probably wouldn't hurt anymore than it already did.

* * *

**I think I decided to drag this out. The story was originally going to be over after the homecoming game, but I think I am going to add more plot twists and drama to it. Thanks for reading, I know this chapter is not great, but please bear with me. **

**OMG, and you guys, did you see that fan art Agent Green Ushanka drew for me? It's here:**

**kaylaiQ(dot)deviantart(dot)com/art/Trembling-In-My-Arms-176317038**

**you need to check it out=]**

**Now some more Calculus homework for me, the super duper nerd. *Sigh***


	9. Chapter 9

I apologize ahead for grammar mistakes, because I am in a hurry, I have a shit ton of homework and studying.

**A/N: Homecoming at my school was yesterday! Woohoo! So I hurried my ass up and wrote this.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.**

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**Control**

I skipped.

I can't do this anymore.

I texted Bob, telling him I will be there before the pep rally starts. I know this one is important to him and I still felt guilty as I pressed the send button.

I need some time alone. First of all, I need some time to sleep.

I hadn't had a good night of sleep since last week, and I knew for sure I ain't gonna do any good in the game tonight if I don't get some sleep right now.

But I didn't want to let my mom know, because she's not gonna let me skip school, that's for sure. She already hated the fact that I spend so much time on football and nothing else. Yeah, you'd thought she's real proud of me; but no, she's not, she always wanted me to be the scholar type. But too bad I was built for being a jock.

So here I am, sitting in my car in the middle of nowhere.

And by nowhere I meant Starks Pond.

Starks Pond, the name was right. It sure is lonely and quiet here.

I slipped down a little from my seat, my body desperately craving for rest. I didn't want to think anymore; not about school, not about football, not about Kyle.

I closed my eyes, my body and soul worn out, and everything just began to slip away.

* * *

(Kyle's POV)

Homecoming.

It's all about football they say.

But every single time _we_ have to work our asses off for those stupid jocks, we, the Student Council and Anchor Club and Honor Society. To sum it up, the nerds.

And guess the fuck what? We never get any recognition.

Last year our school's Math club made it to state and won the fucking championship. And no one knows about it. More than half of the school didn't even know a Math Club exists. But when the football team wins championship, we'd have pep rallies for _each _class, four times over, and guess who decorates the gym again?

I fucking hate this school.

"Salina, watch out!" Jesus Christ, I can't even stop paying attention for one minute, but luckily Jose was already there to hold the ladder in place as the clumsy freshman girl climbed up to tape the banner on the wall. I gotta remember to get someone else for that job next time.

Our school is known for being a football school. Well, not that I am not proud of our school's football team, Stan's part of it too, even though I know he doesn't really enjoy much of it.

Stan…

No, I have to pay attention now… What was that Ms. Johnson just told me to do?

Shit.

That's what happens to you when you think of stupid crap like that.

All thanks to him.

I've been out of sorts for two weeks now.

"Hey Vice Pres," He can't even remember my name, those freshmen, they don't know _any_ respect!

"Yes _Taylor_, what do you need?"

"We run out of tape for the balloons." Oh my God, seriously? Do you really need to bother me with trifle crap like that?

"Can't you get more from the classroom?"

"We literally don't have anymore."

"Well what about borrowing some from the art teachers or something?"

"But she's a jerk…"

"Just ask nicely, she's fine."

"Alright…" The sophomore boy walked away reluctantly.

By the way, where _is_ the Pres?

"Anyone know where Veronica is?"

Everyone looked at me as my voice echoed in the gym, interrupting their low gossips. Then they looked at each other and around the gym for a few moments. No one answered me.

"I think she went shopping for shoes at the mall yesterday, and she stayed up really late last night trying to figure out what she's going to wear… cuz, today's the dance, so…" one of the timid freshmen girls whom I could not even name explained.

For real.

At home. Napping.

I let out a grunt and stormed out of the gym.

I admit, I have a short temper, and I am not afraid to show it, especially to those lowerclassmen. I ain't the nice mentor who's gonna babysit you and take care of everything by myself. Seriously, kids these days are spoiled.

School hasn't even started yet, people are coming in, but there's still eight more minutes before the bell rings. Not much people have shown up this morning to help out to put the stuff up. Actually, all the decorations were supposed to be up yesterday, but guess what? Everyone always has some excuses to not finish something in time, and my whole plan was screwed up and when the blame comes down, it should supposingly go to Veronica, but she always has some way to point her finger at me.

Girls are walking in with heavily decorated mums on their chests, silver, red, white and blue dangling from the corsages decorated with teddy bears and plastic flowers and laces and all kinds of girly shit.

And the thing I hated the most is the noise they make. Everywhere they go you can always hear the annoying chime their stupid bells make.

The bigger the mum, the faker the boyfriend.

Ha ha.

I laughed at those girls sarcastically inside, then walked toward the vending machine.

I seriously needed something to drink, and I didn't want to drink from the school's water fountain that is covered with all kinds of gems that you can imagine.

But too bad they didn't have anything low sugar and I didn't want to drink all that vitamin water shit.

Gatorade tastes better.

Whatever, I didn't have change anyway. Stan's always the one loaded with change, and he's the one always buying me drinks.

Rah!

I wanted to scream; everything is not ready – the decorations, the schedule for the stupid ass pep rally, the schedule for the parade, and the food for the football players.

"Oh my God! Stan's missing!" Someone screamed down from the hallway.

What?

OK, it can't be.

This situation can't possibly get any worse.

He _cannot_ be missing.

I think I am going to kill somebody.

For whatever patience I have left inside of me, all I could hear was people panicking; and I immediately became one of the targets who should know where the hell our star quarterback is.

Because he's my best friend.

* * *

(Stan's POV)

I woke up at 12:30, that meant I have slept for four and a half hour. I hadn't had one dream and I was grateful for that. I felt a little more refreshed and a little hungry.

The parade starts at one o'clock and the pep rally starts at two. I didn't necessarily have to show up for the pep rally, but I guess I should. Otherwise I would seem like a selfish, self-centered bastard; because I know how much effort the Student Council put into making decorations and all those mind-boggling schedules. Kyle always nagged me about that.

I started my car, I wanted to get something to eat.

When I drove by the stores, I saw giant sign that says,

HOME-MADE HOMECOMING MUMS ON SALE!

LAST DAY!

GET A LOVELY & UNIQUE HOMECOMING MUM FOR YOUR DATE!

Out of curiosity, I stopped my car and went in. Silver, red and blue rushed into my sight as I opened the door. Mums were hanging from everywhere; some are small, some are obnoxiously huge.

"Hi, looking for a mum for your date?"The shopkeeper behind the counter greeted me cheerfully. She's young, probably around twenty or twenty-two.

"Yeah." I lied quickly. If I say no, that would kinda make me seem gay. I guess. I mean, why would a guy come in to look at mums if he's not trying to get one for his girl?

"I see, you are one of the football players right?" She stared at my lettermen for a moment and said.

"Yeah," I looked at the badge myself.

"Marsh… So you are the Stan Marsh everyone is talking about!"

"Yeah…" I said, kinda embarrassed. I don't even know why.

"I have some mums here that are for football players' dates." She pointed.

"Thanks." I smiled, and she smiled back.

The corsage has mini football stuck on them, but I thought that was too obnoxious. I looked around, and there, I saw this middle-sized mum that is not too long or too small. It's mainly silver and white, with a few strands of red and royal blue ribbons hiding in the middle; two teddy bears holding three white roses together in the middle.

"How much is that one?"

"Twelve dollars."

"That's not too bad."

"Yep, it's last day on sale."

I paid for the mum, and went back to my car. I looked at it again before putting it in the back seat.

I hope Kyle will like it.

* * *

(Kyle's POV)

The parade is going to start in five minutes. Everything was finally ready and my throat was starting to hurt from constant yelling.

"Broflovski, you _must_ know where Stan is."

"For the last time, coach Parry, I don't know."

He growled, and I was about to do the same.

"Look kid, we've never lost a homecoming game since '87, I ain't gonna let we lose this 'ear-"

"Coach, which jersey should we put on again? The white one or the blue one?"

He sighed heavily, then answered the scared JV,

"It's the white one. Home game, white. Guest, blue. How many times do-"

I didn't hear the rest as I walked out of the training room.

I need to be in the passenger seat when Rick drives the car, just so I know he won't do anything crazy.

I don't care anymore. If he's going to show up, he's going to show up, if he's not, then he's not. Knowing him, I know he's the giant egotistical pussy he is, and no matter how late it is, he still _will_ show up at the last minute.

I climbed in the Student Council's heavily decorated pick-up truck, waiting for Ms. Johnson's cue.

"So Kyle, are you ready?" Ricky asked with a huge stupid grin on his stupid face.

"Yes Ricky, I just hope you won't do something crazy."

"Don't worry dude. Geez, I am so excited right now!"

Something tells me something, at sometime is going to go wrong in this parade. Or maybe I am just being paranoid.

* * *

**A/N: Kyle's complain is basically my complain, because I am a nerd and I am anti-everything. People call me a hater, but whatever. It's true. Me and my teammates fucking won Math and Science State last year and only like 1% of the school know about it. **

**School is going well, first six weeks just ended (tho it's actually a five weeks XD), everything is pretty smooth, I am getting A's in every AP class and pwning everyone's ass in AP Chem with a rockin' 99. (Tho my physics kinda sucks, well sorry I am never good with forces and whatnot.) AP Studio Art is just fucking awesome, check my dA for some of my work (just google "deviantart kamkam2828").  
**

**Yep, so tell me how's your school life is going if you want, I am kinda bored sometimes, so feel free to chat=]**

**Please review and make my day :)  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**WRITER'S BLOCK**

THIS STORY SUCKS, I DON'T WANT TO WRITE IT ANYMORE.

...

RAH!


	11. Chapter 11

Hey everyone,

so em... yeah, haven't update for a long time. I can't believe this story has...

**OVER 9000!**

views as of now.

I am really thankful for all the comments/fav/alerts and support.

I am glad to inform you that the first semester of my gruesome senior year is over and I am accepted to my state university's engineering school (yeah, I just _LOVE_ engineering). (Haha, I didn't even bother to apply to other schools... cuz I know UT has to accept me anyway lol *just got my acceptance letter today*)

The only thing I gotta worry about over Christmas is applying for scholarships and whatnot, since I don't really have any homework except for a little bit of freaking Physics. (F simple harmonic motion, really)

I will have two weeks of Christmas break and I promise I will update this story.

In the mean time, please be patient.

Sorry to disappoint those of you who think this is an actual update...

*deep 45 degree bow*

**Kammy**


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